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On December 5, 2024, my flatmate Camille organized a workshop on building our etiquette. During the workshop, I created those three rules that I’d like to follow, and took an informal oath to follow it.
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- Always tell people when you did not get their permission to use their stuff!
- Vibe: Someone hid that they used my soap by buying the wrong one! They should have sent me money instead!
- Trigger: when feel really need to use someone's stuff and not confident have permission
- Systematic action: either don't use, or use and send a message to the person saying I did
- Negative example: using the stuff and not saying anything, hiding
- Purpose: Not creating adversarial environment where people have to hide their stuff to protect it
- Acknowledge people when they come home!
- Trigger: When I see someone and realize they just arrived home, I acknowledge them!
- Systematic action: Always acknowledge that they arrived and show my appreciation for it. If I want to stay focused, I should stay in my bedroom.
- Negative example: Someone enters, and I stay focused on what I'm doing, I don’t even move, or worse, I say something negative to them, like "you still did not reply to my email"
- Purpose: give others a feeling of belonging to the place, a feeling that they're welcome. Hospitality. More likely for them to come here and hang out if I do so.
- Also, show that I care about the person and that I'm happy that they're here, even if not available right now
- Praise people for their agency towards good goals instead of criticizing what they created!
- Trigger: Some tells me about or shows me something they created, and I feel the desire to criticize what they did, give negative feedback
- Systematic action:
- Acknowledge that people applied their agency towards a goal that I find good
- Ask if the person would like some feedback
- Negative example: "This will definitely not work because X"
- Purpose: Encourage agency, make people feel good for doing stuff