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This is a guide for my partners, friends, or anyone who would like some guidance on how to help when I have some emotions to process.

I hope it can give ideas to others!

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First, Lucie is not going to break. She's been through a lot of stuff, and she's always got through. She knows how to manage her emotions and get back to baseline, even if alone. You might be able to help, but don't worry, it will be fine either way. So, if you thought seeing Lucie being sad or unhappy means you're now responsible for getting her back to baseline, stop!

If you want to help her, here's how to proceed.

The role of a friend or partner in such a time is primarily to hold space, to provide an emotional container through which the emotions she's feeling can be held, looked at, examined, questioned, reframed, and reintegrated.

The first virtue in those time is patience. This may take some time. Trying to rush the process won't help it, and may instead add additional emotional activation that might delay the process. So, trust the process. It's going to get there at some point. Don't jump to conclusion. Don't try to solve everything right away with just the right sentence. Take the time to understand.

This process is a bit like rubber ducking. Lucie tries to explain what she's feeling. You listen, then try to say it back. Lucie will say something like "It's not quite right. What I mean is more like ...", and slowly, she'll iterate towards the true reason for her current feelings. It's Gendlin's Focusing in the end, fitting a handle to a felt sense.

By default, assume Lucie already has an idea of what she's doing and how to approach examining her current emotional state. If she thinks she would benefit from comfort, she'll ask for it. If she wants you to understand something, she'll start explaining. If she wants to vent, she'll say so and ask if you're ok with it. Let her drive the process as much as possible.

When Lucie seems stuck, there are multiple strategies you can use. One is giving suggestions, be it a reframing, or a direction to think about. One is saying what you currently understood, to see if it sparks new ideas. One is offering comfort. One is asking questions on the parts of the situation you don't understand. Be sure to keep them as suggestions, so that Lucie can say that it's not what she wants right now if that's so. If you have an idea of a process that would help if you drove it yourself, suggest it, and if she says yes, then you can have the driver seat. By default, Lucie is the driver.

An objective to keep in mind is passing the Intellectual Turing Test. Before suggesting solutions, make sure you know what she's talking about, in such a way that you could say it back to her, and she would reply "Yes! That's exactly what I mean!". Maybe here it would be an Emotional Turing Test, where you understand the emotions and what they refer to?

Those were a few advices on how to help a Lucie who's feeling down, sad, or activated in any way.

Thank you for taking care of the Lucie. She's trying real hard, and sometimes is very helpful to have caring friends to hear her out <3